Growing up as a young, quiet, very shy girl, I always felt so unsure of myself. My whole life I have struggled with low self-esteem and confidence. I would look at other people who would state their own opinions and thoughts unapologetically and I would admire them. I so badly wanted to be one of those people. You know, those people that seem like they have it all together and who are so sure of who they are as a person.
As the years went by, I sometimes didn't understand why I felt the way I did. Why sometimes I enjoyed playing alone more than with other people. Or why I felt so emotional... I could cry over almost anything. Of course, I would always try to do this alone as I hated other people seeing me vulnerable and "weak."
Going into my teenage years, I slowly started to come out of my shell. I started speaking up and expressing my own thoughts and feelings. Trying to remove the fear of being ridiculed or judged. But with the ups, come the downs and I started to struggle with my depression. I still struggle with it, even today.
It wasn't until the summer of 2017, something inside me "woke up." My depression and anxiety had hit an all time high and I remember going outside to look at the solar eclipse in August (YES! I stared straight into the sun...exactly like they tell you not to do...😂) Shortly after that experience, I found myself googling meditation and down the rabbit hole I went. Since then I've never looked back.
I feel I've always had an open mind and found myself pondering certain questions as a child and young adolescent. Such as, "Why am I here?" or "What happens after we die? Is it just nothingness?" These are questions that many people ask themselves. I do not have all the answers but I do know there is something more. Something much bigger than we can even imagine. Something that is infinitely big but also infinitely small, and I'm talking about the universe. Sometimes I forget that we humans are on a planet flying through space circling around our sun...The expansion of the universe is ever changing and evolving and we are apart of it.
I have discovered so much inside of myself and I know that I am nowhere near finished. Sometimes we all just want to be done with a project...hand in that final assignment and move on. I have to remind myself that I need to enjoy the journey and process, not just the end product. I am not perfect...I have struggles and issues just like so many of us do today. But I have a passion for helping others who are going through their own challenges. This is how we move forward. By helping one another and creating a community. That is what I am hoping to accomplish in this life. To help create a new world, one with happy and healthy people all working together for the collective, creating art, inspiring others and being the support for those who need it.
Everyone has to start somewhere! I am letting go of the fear of what people will think and I am putting my emotions and intentions out there. I trust that it will find the right people who need it and I can't wait to see what happens in the future. I don't know what will happen or what will come of this...but I am learning to trust the process. ❤
Love Janessa 🌙
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